Most people will say death period is painful. To me, sudden death is the worst! It hurts the most because the person was here one minute then gone the next. We never think of that last phone call or conversation as being our last one. We aways think we have more minutes, we think that we have more moments, we think that we have more time. But, in all actuality, in all reality, we never know when God will call us home. We never know what the next moment will bring. We focus so much on the moments in front of us, we don’t count those moments as possible last moments
I haven’t written a blog in a long time. It was my way to cope when I first lost my middle son Samaad to gun violence in 2019. I was inspired to write today because a friend of mines lost her husband of 27 years to a sudden heart attack last week. There goes that sudden death again. There goes life being redirected. There goes a new normal for her and her family.
Her husband was here one day, then gone the next. She will now navigate life with her sons without the love of her life, without her person. Her sons will now navigate life without their dad. It hurt my heart to see them at the funeral. I just wanted to break down in tears. We hugged and she said “I don’t know how people do life without the Lord.” I don’t know either, I said. Because only a higher power can get you through the sudden loss of a loved one, or sudden loss of anything you value. Only a higher power, whatever you believe in, will get you through life’s challenges.
My heart breaks for my friend. Ever since losing Samaad I look at death so differently now. Even though we know it’s inevitable I foresee the pain that we experience from it. The loneliness, the emptiness. One thing I know, we both love God and she’s holding on tight to her faith, God’s love and God’s direction.
I look for the why in everything now. From my own experiences with death I know that no day is guaranteed. I know that time weighs more than currency. It’s the most expensive gift you give to someone and take away from ourselves. Live life and enjoy it! Your circle, your village matters. Choose wisely. Your last name is everything! Make your mark on the world so your name will last forever. And lastly, that dash between your birth and death is all about legacy. Make the most of it! Give life all you got!
—Kimberly Banks, Samaad’s Mom
